Help for grieving parents

KateLynn Slaamot
NLJ Reporter
 
When Dave and Kristina Collins, of Gillette, lost their 3-year-old son, Lil David Winchester Collins, in a car accident in 2014, it was the hardest thing they ever had to go through. They soon realized that, while they had support from friends and family, no one truly understood the loss they were suffering. 
The couple eventually decided to reach out to Compassionate Friends, a support group for parents who have lost a child. The group formed in the 1960s in England and came to the United States in 1972. The organization offers grieving parents a chance to talk to someone who understands what they’re going through. 
“Compassionate Friends was a great resource for us. … They were kind of a lifeline for us,” Kristina said, noting that there’s just something about talking to someone who has been “in the same shoes.” 
While there are 600 chapters nationwide, only two chapters existed in Wyoming — one in Cheyenne and one in Casper, according to Kristina. The couple wanted to offer to others the same resource that had helped them so much. So, Dave decided to become a phone contact in northeast Wyoming in 2016. Their Compassionate Friends group has taken Dave to Montana, South Dakota and Nebraska, along with many places around Wyoming.
“We just wanted to pay it forward,” Kristina said. 
The couple runs their chapter differently from others, according to Kristina. While most chapters have organized meetings, their focus for the northeast Wyoming chapter is to be available at any time to anyone needing someone to talk to. 
“We’re available 24/7, 365, by phone and/or email, and we will get back to anyone who wants to speak with us,” Kristina said, adding that if they’re not available at the time of a call, they will return any call within 12 hours, no matter the time of day or night. 
This format, which allows grieving parents to have immediate contact with someone, as opposed to waiting for a meeting, has benefits, Kristina said. However, the couple is also willing to meet in person with anyone who wants to. 
Compassionate Friends has made an impact on the lives of countless grieving parents. Amy Menerey, of Custer, S.D., reached out to the organization in Alaska when she lost her daughter but then couldn’t find a local organization after moving to this area. 
“When my daughter, Julie, died in 2001, I lived in Alaska and I found a Compassionate Friends support group there that was very helpful to me. When you lose a child, you lose your future. You lose seeing what their life will bring to them. It’s not the natural order of things, to lose a child. You expect your parents to pass away before you do — but never a child. I found the group at the suggestion of an acquaintance. It was difficult to share my story, and to hear the stories of others, but it was also comforting in the most sad way possible. Absolutely no one can know what it feels like to lose your child unless they have been through it. No one can understand the empty, hollow feeling, the anger, the absolute devastation — there’s not even enough words to fully explain it,” Menerey said. 
“On Dec. 26, it will be 20 years since I lost my 16-year-old daughter — more years than she was with me. The parents I met from the Compassionate Friends support group, especially those who had been dealing with their grief longer than me, helped me process my grief. They let me cry and ask ‘why,’ and lament and be angry. And they helped me understand that no one ever ‘gets over’ losing a child, but we do learn to live again in a world where we no longer want to. I will forever be grateful to them,” she continued. 
Such stories are why Dave and Kristina wanted to provide more people the access to the organization — because of the healing it offers. Their contact is by email at kristinacollins2016@gmail.com or by phone at (307) 685-6629. 
The 25th Annual Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting is coming up on Dec. 12, held the second Sunday in December each year. The ceremony is to commemorate the memory of those loved ones lost, to grieve and to remember. Candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time. Candle lighting events are held around the world, as well as informal lightings that take place in people’s homes.