A brother’s remembrance: The man who died at the Sheridan VA is more than a suicide statistic

FROM WYOFILE: 

Dean Heyborne died at the Sheridan VA by suicide last year. A federal investigation found a “drift” from policies before the death, but Mark Thiele says there is far more to his brother’s life than how it ended.

By Madelyn Beck, WyoFile.com

Mark Thiele wants his brother to be remembered for more than his tragic death. 

“Everybody liked him,” Thiele said, remembering his younger brother Dean Kell Heyborne.

Heyborne died at the Sheridan VA last year, and a federal investigation found the hospital provided flawed care in the days leading up to his suicide. 

Thiele wants to put a face to the story. He sent WyoFile a video that Heyborne’s then-girlfriend took of his brother after hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. 

“I listen to that just to hear his voice,” Thiele said. “He’s funny as shit.”

The video starts with a man in a polo shirt, bright flowery shorts and messy hair. A woman asks him about the journey they were just finishing: hiking the length of California, Oregon and Washington. She asks about his favorite part. 

“That one night at the waterfalls,” Heyborne says.

They’d gone swimming and met a trail friend, “but then we did our own thing and went out and climbed on the rocks, watched the sunset.”

Heyborne also says that his girlfriend’s “little baby Swiss army knife” was the most helpful piece of gear on the trail, a description that now makes Thiele laugh. 

It’s sometimes the small things that help the most, the older brother says. 

The man behind the story

A federal investigation after Heyborne’s suicide at the Sheridan VA found a “drift” from policies at the facility, but Thiele doesn’t blame the people there for what happened to his brother. If anyone could work a system to get what they wanted and say just the right things to the staff, it was Heyborne, he said. 

Heyborne was brilliant, charming and always fit. He could make friends with anyone, Thiele recalled. 

“He really accepted everybody, was very tolerant and could make friends with anybody, even people who were obnoxious,” Thiele said. “Within five minutes, people would hand him the house key, the car key, trust him. I’m like, ‘Dean, what the hell?’ But it was just, it was actually a gift.”

Heyborne was born and raised in Cedar City, Utah, and in high school, he was an athlete through and through.

“He has physically always been pretty amazing,” Thiele said. “Like, he can pick up any sport really quickly, like golf, which is a sport that takes a lot of technique … He’s a state champion swimmer.”

Thiele recalled how Heyborne later worked as a dishwasher before joining the Marines, another physically demanding choice. It was likely to help support his partner and her kids, Thiele said. 

Heyborne was loyal to a fault, but always chasing the extremes, his brother recalled. In everything from sports to drugs, he never held back out of fear.

“On the motorbike, he’s doing backflips, right?” Thiele said. “[He] lived to the extreme a lot, and that sometimes isn’t always a good thing.”

Coming home

Heyborne returned from deployment with more challenges.

“He was at Camp Pendleton, and he served in Afghanistan” as a sergeant, Thiele said. “Everybody knew when he came back from Afghanistan he had PTSD bad … he’s had lots of instances with his family and other people where he snaps and sees red.”

Heyborne hurt his back and was honorably discharged, Thiele said. While Heyborne remained charismatic, he struggled. 

He landed in prison after he fought with police officers following an incident in Sheridan. Thiele doesn’t blame the officers, either, and said many didn’t even want to press charges.

“If I get headbutted, I’m going to be pissed at the person,” Thiele said. “But somehow everybody could see the good in him, not the actions he was taking. All the time, it’s like, people that shouldn’t like you still love you.”

After that, Heyborne went to the Sheridan VA for the first time, where Thiele said his brother genuinely found help. And after visiting, Thiele understands why his brother may have wanted to be there.

“I could have walked around the campus forever,” he said. “I think it was that atmosphere and just being outdoorsy, great camping and things like that. And I think he just felt comfortable there.”

Thiele was proud of his brother for openly talking about his struggles with suicidal thoughts, even supporting organizations to help prevent suicides, Thiele said. On Heyborne’s phone, Thiele had found an open tab for the organization Stop Soldier Suicide. 

“I just think about how he had talked openly that he’s suicidal, and a lot of people will never admit to that,” he said. 

Heyborne pushed members of the family away towards the end, Thiele said. The Marine eventually returned to Wyoming from Utah before landing at the Sheridan VA. 

Keeping families in the know

How Heyborne died and the policy violations that preceded it are outlined in an Office of Inspector General report released in July. 

Thiele worries about the staff who found his brother and interacted with him at the hospital and hopes they’re doing OK. 

He also has concerns about the facility not informing the family about the OIG report or the expected media reports: they found out from a co-reported story from The Sheridan Press and WyoFile. 

“I’m just wondering why they don’t make it a standard policy that when they do publish a report that they do furnish that to the next of kin,” he said. “It almost seems a little bit shady that they don’t do that. I mean, it’s a public report.”

When asked about the decisions surrounding communications with the family, Sheridan VA Medical Center Director Pam Crowell said in a statement: “Every single life lost to suicide is too many and our hearts are heavy for everyone who knew this Veteran.”

“Many of my team are Veterans themselves, or have loved ones who are, so it is more than a job to us,” she said. “In fact, many of us know more about our Veterans than just care-related topics, because we frequently have the honor of hearing their personal stories, both of service and family, so there are no words that can fully express the sentiment of losing one of them.”

There aren’t policies requiring the Sheridan VA to notify next of kin about federal investigations or related media reports, staff added. 

For Thiele, he hopes that there could be reasonable, easily implementable policies to make sure this breakdown in communication doesn’t happen again.

“There should be no reason why the family couldn’t have that report,” he said. “Even if some families would be in lawsuit … I just think it would be good and a courteous thing to do.”

Thiele was also involved in a conversation with Sheridan VA staff a few days after the death. He said they were extremely kind, but he hopes that staff make sure they check individuals’ IDs before releasing sensitive information or physical items in the future. From his recollection, these checks didn’t happen, and the VA didn’t respond to questions about it. 

He also hopes that when the VA learns more information about a death, that staff let the family know it exists. Not all the details were divulged in that initial meeting or in the month thereafter, he said. 

However, one thing Thiele will take away from that meeting was seeing the letter his brother had left before dying. Heyborne had 15 minutes between staff checks at the facility and likely planned how he’d end things, Thiele said.

That letter was kind and beautiful, Thiele said. It was on white paper written in red pen. It referenced knowing that it’s OK not to be OK. 

“From the tops of many mountains to the lowest of lows, and finding nothing but pure beauty in the entire process of life, dear God let this process be peaceful, because I will forever have nothing but love and joy in my heart. Love Dean.”

There was also a star and the phrase “spirit lead me.” Thiele said he learned later it was referencing a song by that same name. Over and over, the song says, “spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.”

There was a memorial service for Heyborne last summer with people coming from across the nation and sending kind thoughts to mourn his brother, Thiele said. And many shared how Heyborne affected their lives for the better. His obituary reiterated how deeply he was loved.

“Everyone who knew Dean loved his magnetic smile and infectious laugh,” it states. “He made friends so easily wherever he went with his quick wit and genuine interest in others. He was tenacious in whatever he put his heart into, and cared deeply for others, especially his family. He was a favorite uncle to his nieces and nephews, and a most loyal friend to so many.”

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

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places and policy.

This story was posted on September 10, 2024.